


dear my love,

by HardenedClay



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardenedClay/pseuds/HardenedClay
Summary: if you find yourself reading this junmyeon hyung, tadah. i know you well, you snoop around my things a lot and i figured you would probably read this already.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	dear my love,

* * *

_"Junmyeon-ssi, Sehun's symptoms are incredibly severe despite being in his late 30's. We advise that he stays in the hospital wa-"_

_"No, Doctor Kim. Please, let him stay home. I know well how to take care of him and I've already dealt with this a few months back."_

_". . . Well, if you say so. . But Junmyeon hyung, talking as your friend, please think it over, okay? I know how hard it's been, I just want to look out for you both."_

That very conversation was stuck on Junmyeon's mind, replaying over and over again. He stood by his decision of letting Sehun stay home. Things had gotten remarkably grim in this household, and he did not want to bring his problems to another place that could do no good for him eitherway. He was too scared to let him stay elsewhere out of his sight and out of his comfort-zone. After a minute of day-dreaming, a thump was heard from another room. Junmyeon's head perked up, and instantly came rushing to Sehun's room.  
Sehun was sitting on the floor, quietly sobbing, and he noticed that there was broken ceramics on the floor next to him. "Sehunie, don't worry. Don't cry." Junmyeon knelt down, lightly and carefully putting a few shards farther than the both of them with his bare hands.

He wiped his lover's tears, and softly grabbed his hands to look if he had been cut anywhere. "Look, it's okay. You aren't hurt." Junmyeon smiled, and Sehun looked up at him. He briefly stopped sobbing and smiled back, nodding at him. The older one then helped him stand up, and sit back on the bed. He quickly went to get a broom and swept the shards into the trash-bin. Shortly after, Junmyeon came back into the room, and sat down on a chair next to the bed. Sehun was now lying down on bed, already fast asleep. Now that no one could see him, Junmyeon couldn't help but feel glum.

Junmyeon's eyes glazed over Sehun's face, and desperately wanted to caress his face but didn't in-order not to disturb his sleep. It's been a few months, and Sehun's symptoms had become so extreme that everything instantly crumbled apart. He found himself now staring at the window, curtains down but there is still a bit of sunlight that seeps into the dim room, illuminating the darkest parts. His emotions run high and around in his body, and he figures he's on the verge of breaking down. Times like this had become more frequent nowadays, Junmyeon staring at a wall or a window, reminiscing of their past. 

On times like this as-well, he wishes he can go back in time. The times him and Sehun were still in their twenty's, and well. They were dumb and young adults, having fun in the daylight and spending the nights together as if tomorrow didn't exist. In their late twenty's, Junmyeon would always come home to Sehun happily greeting him and hugging him. He recalls the smallest of things that he did, they would laugh in joy and play with each other after their long days of work. Junmyeon remembers how he always saw Sehun writing in his journal, but the younger one being mischievous, told him that 'you can't read this unless you're having one of the baddest days of your life'.

They held hands, cuddled each other in their sleep. The next day, they woke up in each other's arms and had breakfast together. They still lived in a nice, comfortable apartment those times, and it was enough for a while until they could afford a house. In Sehun's mid-thirty's, things started to change. At first, Junmyeon thought it was silly and cute, Sehun would always misplace things in odd places, and sometimes he would lose his train of thought. Eventually, it became worse and one day, Sehun was fired from his job. Sehun was scared, he was crying. He was crying so much that night and Junmyeon's heart felt itself aching and throbbing. That same night, when Sehun finally fell asleep, a million thoughts crossed his mind, and he became scared himself.

It was then Junmyeon's intuitions were correct when the younger one woke up a few days later, and fought him off of their bed. "Who are you? Why are you in my house?" The words flew and hit the older one like bricks, and everything instantly fell apart. It was chaos for a while, but eventually Sehun came to calm down. Months passed, and his symptoms got worse and worse in a fast pace. 

Junmyeon started to cry silently. He covered his face in his palms, his emotions finally burst out. He was angry because he should've cherished every single moment of them together, he was sad because he cannot bear the thought of Sehun disappearing from his grasp so soon. His regrets pour out of him, and with that the heavy feeling of the depths reign upon his body and he wants to drop dead onto the floor. This feeling only stops when suddenly, he felt a warm touch on his arm. He lowered his hands down and sees that he'd woken up Sehun. "Sehun. . . I'm sorry." He apologized, voice trembling, his vision was blurry and his face felt puffy. He was about to stand up and go to the bathroom, but Sehun held him back down. The younger one sat up and hugged him.

Junmyeon was frozen, confused and felt mislead for a split moment. "Hyung, why are you crying? Stop it, I don't like seeing you cry, you know that."   
Those words sounded like it was from the Sehun he knew, and this only got him choked up. He hugged him back, arms tight and desperate. "Please, come back, stay. Get better, please." He found himself mumbling against the other's ear. It was a stupid thought, that was not how Alzheimer's worked, he knows. Miracles in this world never existed, and it never will in Junmyeon's world. A few minutes in, Sehun pushes him back a little, letting go of the hug. He went and lied back down on the bed, and Junmyeon wiped his tears. He pursed his lips, gulping hard. He didn't want to continue crying, he didn't want to look pathetic in-front of Sehun. 

Sehun's face turned to him, and Junmyeon is a little surprised. Sehun mumbled a sentence and he smiled, before going back to his usual mindless state almost instantly. Junmyeon couldn't help but feel bittersweet, and the time passed as Junmyeon could only watch Sehun fall back to sleep. He lightly touched the younger's face, leaning in and pecking his forehead. 

_"I don't know who you are, but thank you for staying by my side throughout my whole mess."_

Junmyeon reminisces on those days as-well. Despite it being memories that make him feel resentful in a way, they were still memories with Sehun in it. He stood before a tree trunk, with a marble plate on it, was plastered Sehun's full name. He could not smile for now, it had all happened so fast that Junmyeon couldn't deny that he was still a little stunned from the event. Sehun had stopped breathing the night after that day, and when the older one woke up beside the bed, he almost mistaken-ed him to be sleeping the most peacefully in his entire life. 

Junmyeon has no idea how long he's been standing there, but no one is judging him now. His grip on the bouquet and sehun's journal he held was getting tighter and tighter, he promised himself he wouldn't feel so bitter when he visited Sehun, but the feelings he was feeling were too big, and built up too much inside of him, that it felt like he would burst if someone tried to touch him.  
His grip softened when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and he turned his head to see a friend, Jongdae. "Doctor Kim- . . . Actually, Jongdae." Junmyeon croaked out, cracking a weak smile. Jongdae's sympathetic eyes shot back at him, and sure enough that made his chest sink a little. "So, how was he, hyung?" The younger one asked, pushing a hand into his pocket, standing next to him. "You know. Just like little kids, he was lovable and annoying. He was mischievous, playful." He responded, images of Sehun's face flashed on his mind whilst he said that. 

The older one gulped and hesitated a little before putting the bouquet of flowers down on the ground, in-front of the tree. For a bit, there was silence, a reasonable yet suffocating silence. Jongdae closed his eyes, praying and hoping that Sehun was now living happily wherever he resided now. Shortly after, patting Junmyeon on the back, and telling him that he's off. He could only hum in response and heard him start to walk off into the distance. 

Junmyeon is left there by himself once again, and he is tempted to scream for whatever reason, but he chooses not to. He doesn't want to look ugly in-front of Sehun again, and he did not want to start crying because Sehun didn't like to see him crying. Instead, he holds onto the pain, and closes his eyes. When Sehun told him not to look into his journal, he didn't do it. He didn't do it, but he broke the promise. Junmyeon had read it when things were beginning to become dire and dark, he happened to do this on a night he couldn't sleep the anxiety away as it was when Sehun's memories started to disintegrate one by one each day. He was glad that he read it that night. He thought maybe it would have been more painful if he read it when Sehun already passed. The letter gave him a faint memory of the old and original Sehun he used to know before this mess.

**_20.2.13_ **

**_dear my love,_ **

_if you find yourself reading this junmyeon hyung, tadah. i know you well, you snoop around my things a lot and i figured you would probably read this already. eitherway, you're still gonna read what i wrote on here, so here we go!_

_junmyeon hyung, i'm grateful that i met you. you're honestly one of the best people i've met in my life, besides my parents hah. i really hope that nothing tragic comes our way because our time together has been so nice and happy so far, of course we had our arguments now and then, we have a large age gap but we always overcame said problems because we always wanted to work things out. nonetheless, i hope you continue to look on our happiest moments. i learned from my mother that if we focus on the happier times instead of the sadder times, so don't worry because we mostly made happy memories!_

_also, you must be asking why i'm making a letter like this? maybe just in-case, maybe i'm not able to say my real last words to you, because sometimes i'm stupid like that hahahaha_

_sorry, i'm not good at being serious honestly, but yeah... so junmyeon hyung. i hope we continue staying together for a long time, promise me that when you read this, okay?and so that's really all i have to say in this letter. if i was some sort of writer, i would write longer than this but i work as a highschool p.e teacher, just all about physical haha. i show you enough physical affection, don't i?_

_anyways, remind yourself! i'll always love you, don't forget that!_

**_sincerely yours,_ **   
**_Oh Sehun_ **


End file.
